What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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