i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
