Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
