Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
