Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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