Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
