Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
