i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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