My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
