Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
