I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
