So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
