six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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