So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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