We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
