Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
