Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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