i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
