took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
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he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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