I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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