see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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