so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
