Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have feelings that need drinking.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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