My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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