i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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