her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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