He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
