Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
