We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
