I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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