A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
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I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
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I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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