I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
