I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize