It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
