He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Operation Purity has been aborted
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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