i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
