I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
