mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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