i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
