I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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