i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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