I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
