I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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