My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
