i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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