i think my tv is drunk
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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