even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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