I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
