Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
