Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
