1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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