we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
