I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
