All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just cropdusted the office
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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