mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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