before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
