ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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