he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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