It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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