Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
