Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
