I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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