I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
