Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize