she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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